Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
