did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
