Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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