Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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