Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
