Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
