C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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