why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
