TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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