I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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