I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
