Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
