Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
