His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
