Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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