yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
