True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
