i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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