my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
