We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
