"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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