two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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