textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
