You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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