Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
