1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
