I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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