You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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