just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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