Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
