"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
