I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
