Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
