I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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