Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize