My hand turned me down
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am available for nakedness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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