I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
