our cab driver is having phone sex.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
