I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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