Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
