Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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