soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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