Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
