If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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