12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
