Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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