Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
