I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
