smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
