Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize