I just cut my nipple shaving
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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