So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize