I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
