Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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