I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
