Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
