oh god the rape fog is back!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
