It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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