dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
