Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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