i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
COCAINE IS GR8
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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