Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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