Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
