she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
