what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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